…it tends to mean that old doors have shut. Since I have reformed my plans and goals, in life, I have never been more happy. I call all the shots in my life. I hear nothing but positive things, about myself, because I surround myself with positive people. My boyfriend listens to me. He likes what I say, even if he isn’t 100% in agreement. My mom can’t control me, anymore. I no longer ‘put up’ with anything I don’t want to put up with, including people. There are nothing but amazing things, happening everyday, with amazing people.
Since I have washed the filth away, I have opened myself up to my friends and for the ones that I have kept, I am so grateful. Actually, they kept me, and for that, I am over the moon. With the help of my friends, I have a beautiful home, two trucks, a degree, job opportunities, freelance work, design collaboration, commissions, vintage pieces for the shop, Pyrex, a social life, and peace.
I have learned that in order to make things happen, you have to open yourself up to people and trust them, as well as yourself and your gut instincts. I had numbed all of those lost hopes and dreams with sociopaths, superficial people and booze. I suppose when you decide to run away and try to make things happen with absolutely nothing, it’s to allow people to come in and control you.
I am so thankful, today, for finding myself and totally loving the person I have become. It makes everything I was ever upset about silly and worthless. My feelings are valid, but I will never put that much energy into anything unworthy of myself, again. Those doors are shut.